Microfiche: Pride

1. One day when I was in Year 3, I was sitting on the outdoor assembly area of Mt St Thomas Public School, eating lunch with some other kids from my year. I believe I was enjoying a meat pie and half a frozen chocolate Breaka from the canteen. My cousin Paul walked past.

"That's my cousin," I said with some now-unfathomable pride in being related to a kid in Year 6, pointing at him.

In the same now-unfathomable spirit, the other kids didn't believe me. I suppose that comes from the constant Doyoulickadickaday-style trickery that happens constantly at that age.

"Yeah he is," I insisted. "Ask him."

A contingent went over to confirm or debunk my story, and Paul denied being related to me, completing the trio of now-unfathomable events.

Humiliated, and wondering why he would react such a way, I was declared a liar. I swear I heard a cock crow three times.

2. Another day I was playing with the person I considered to be my best friend, Jimmy Greaves, at his place. I can't remember the exact sequence of events, but he was prevailed upon by his mother or nana to decide whether he wanted to continue playing Pamela Stephenson's How To Be A Complete Bitch boardgame with me, or go to play at the house of another boy - Timmy - who I had met once or twice.

I pleaded my case, trying desperately to get Jimmy to stay and play with me. He took on the role of the dilemma-horned boy, torn between two worlds. In the end, the made the seemingly difficult decision to go to Timmy's house.

I went back to my grandparents' place, just down the road. Mum asked what I was doing back from Jimmy's so soon, and I told her what had happened.

"You should've come back here straightaway," she said. "You've got your pride."

I had no idea what this meant at the time, but understood I had somehow humiliated myself by begging Jimmy to play with me.

3. In my Nana and Poppy's garage, I found an old copy of Snakes & Ladders, which had been designed to teach moral and civic values. At the base of the ladders were virtues, and at the top were their associated reward. Similarly, the heads of the snakes held vices, while their tails told of the inevitable punishment.

At the head of one particularly green and glaring snake was "PRIDE", illustrated by a top-hatted man strutting down the street with his nose in the air. At the base of the serpent, he had slipped and fallen on his suit-tailed arse - face red and commonfolk jeering.

4. All of which might go some way to explaining why teachers never had any luck convincing me to take pride in my work, why I seldom put all my eggs in one friendship basket, why I trust everyone while believing nothing they say.